It Begins

2004-06-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

Here is my blog for the weekend. It is long and probably of little interest to you (always best to take the humble approach) but here it is:

Well on Saturday I went shopping with my frind Cam. I said "dont you find it strange that you never see any pregnant Chinese women?" Being used to my random thought process she agreed. A miniute later we walked into Dolcis.

Me: Have you any white shoe laces?
Shop girl: I will have a look in the back.
(she dissapears)
Cam: Christ! Theres a pregnant Chinese girl just walked in!
(shop girl returns with laces)
Shop girl: Here they are
Me: (replying to Cam) NO SHIT!!
(Shop girl looks as astouded as we do)

We nipped into the library and happened upon a rather choice specimin. We chatted to him and told him he looked like Orlando Bloom. He seemed unbelievable suprised by this and volunteered the information that he was stuck there until 11:00 as there is a theatre as well. He had a script infront of him so I asked him what script he was reading. He told me it was a Greek something and I said "you must be real clever to plough through all of that."
We left the library and decided now that we had dissarmed him it seemed a shame not to finish him off. We went back in (after the necessary ajustments which took two miniutes and a mirror) and he looked realy pleasantly suprised like a little puppy recieving its first bone (ok bad analagy)I said "We were thinkin that your realy cool like and er were wondering if we could kinda get your number Michael?" He picked up his pen said "Oh right erm.." He picks up his pen and puts it to the paper "Oh I cant I'm sorry I've just started seing some one seriously. I'm sorry I've got too give it a chance." In my head I'm screaming "Oh no you don't!" but I said well if she doesnt appreciate you can say well I have to other women who do. He said "Dont worry I will. Thanks I realy appreciated you asking thats never happened to me before well not en mass anyway!". We

Feeling gutted but empowered we decided to go to mine and get ready to go on an impulsive night out. We drunk that Blossom Hill wine from work and were pretty merry when we arrived at Edwards on Portland St. We requested about three 'shake your ass' songs which were all played. I seem to atract all of the foreign black guys who cant realy dance so good but look nice. If my mate would be foolish enough to have a bet with me I would be v rich by now. It hapend within 15 miniutes of us arriving. He was dam fine though....

We moved on to Henry J Beans in the Printworks at about 12:00 had an Absynth coctail in a tall shot glass which was the only way they were aloud to serve it, because we all know English absynth makes you go loopy and see cows with pink wigs doing the samba...not. We started talking to an American guy (we love Americans as long as there not called George Bush) and we were gettingon so well. My friend kept on getting him to say 'fries' and 'trash can' and other random words. For some reason we didnt believe he was called David. My pissed friend was v dissapointed and insisted he be called Randy or Taylor or Chad. He said he was from Florida so I said you shall hencforth be know as Cleetus Billy Bob. After chatting to us for ages it transpirred his student card (which we 'lent' off him) was in German and he'd been putting an act on! I thought some of the american pop culture topics we had been discussing he sounded a bit vauge about but he said he was just shy. His friend said you dont like him now he's Germain. I said I dont like him because hes a big fat fraud!

When we were standing in the middle of road waving at anything vaugley taxi shapped (which is basically the only way to get a bloody taxi in town at 2:45) two other men started talking to us. Roni fancied Cam but she liked his friend because he had a deep voice (When we got home we refered to him as deep throat) and Roni told his mate "Shut up your ruining my game man".

We acosted a taxi and got him to buy us a twix each at a gas station for some candy (hey I sound American so there for I am) and at a kebab shop. Then Cam got some counceling off him about Muslim relationships as she is having trouble with her boyf.

Walking down my street I heard some hip hop music and started dancing then we both started singing rather loudly but perfectly in tune of course. The car pulled up. We started talking (I was virtually outside my house and we didnt get too close just incase he sujested taking us to see his puppies etc.) and it turned out he was South African which I pointed out to him after his opening line of "I saw you in Edwards".

Got home spilt kebab on floor in bathroom, we just stood looking at it then burst out laughing like it was the greatest comedy sketch in the world for some inhebriated reason.

I woke up Sunday at 9:30 hang over free (thanks to lots of water and a salad super with fresh orange) popped a paracetamol and promptly fell back to sleep in the bathroom wicker chair with my feet up on the laundry baskett for an hour. Then we looked through the numbers on our mobiles trying to put faces to the names and numbers which wasnt helped by the fact that I couldnt pronounce two of them.

Well hope you are not asleep and dribbling on your keyboard. Was there a lot of latino men at that Salsa club you went to do you remember?...for my little friend, not for inocent me you understand! Pro Pluss for breakfast for me in the morning!

See u

christine lowe

It Begins